you are here: Everything I Know About Relationships,
I Learned from the Movies
by Brettani Shannon
What if I hadn’t quit my job to raise the kids? What if I had married the other guy? Is this what life is all about?
These lingering questions can be exhausting. Let me tell you though, the motivation to climb out of your rut might be only a click of the remote away. In fact, relationship counselors are embracing the wealth of therapeutic material in Hollywood films in a process called cinematherapy: using movies for healing and growth. They provoke conversation about important life lessons like respecting each other, opening your mind to possibilities, sticking together through major transitions, keeping the romance alive in your relationship, believing in soul mates and destiny, love at all ages, and being true to yourself as an individual. They may not be ordinary stories, but who wants an ordinary story? Let yourself be inspired. Find hope, clarification, strength and reinforcement with a trip to the video store and a bowl of popcorn.
Whether you and your partner are struggling right now or you couldn’t be better, cuddling up for a relationship-building movie can promote an even deeper level of intimacy. Discuss your thoughts about it afterward, and you'll find yourself gaining insight into your lover’s psyche that you didn’t have before, being reminded of something you love about your partner, and feeling hopeful for the future.
The Story of Us
Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer play a couple married for 14 years, who decide to separate while the kids are at summer camp. The movie takes you back to when they fell in love and when they fell apart. See yourself in their shoes, unsure whether the love they shared is lost or just hidden under a mountain of regret.
Family Man
Jack, an incredibly successful businessman (played by Nicolas Cage,) is suddenly transported to a reality that would have been his if he had chosen love over his career years earlier. When he returns to his real life, Jack finds himself measuring his success in a whole new way, and he has to fight to get the love of his life to make the choice he didn’t. Jack is a man’s man, and his struggles are shown humorously through that lens in a way that other men are sure to relate to, making this film a sure hit for both the sexes.
Catch and Release
Not many films have been able to capture the maelstrom of emotions and events around the death of a loved one like Catch and Release. Instead of celebrating her wedding day, Gray, played by Jennifer Garner, finds herself hosting the memorial of her fiancé. The weeks to follow are all about discovering truths about her late partner and finding a place of rest in the tornado that whirls around her. Everything she thought was one way turns out to be another, but with the help of her love’s best friends, she is able to recover.
The Notebook
This incredibly romantic film covers the story of a young love and an old love and the unshakeable connection they have. They fall in love in spite of their different worlds. Allie’s mother interferes and just when it’s about to be too late, fate puts them back into each other’s arms. Rachel McAdams’ and Ryan Gosling’s (Noah and Allie) honest portrayals of emotions will break your heart while their undying commitment to each other will inspire you to love with everything you’ve got.
Love Actually
The film follows nine relationships during the five weeks preceding Christmas. They all find ways to handle love coming into their lives in unexpected ways. They conquer fears and take leaps of faith that inspire us to love with abandon. Starring Hugh Grant, Liam Neeson, Colin Firth, Laura Linney, Emma Thompson, Alan Rickman Keira Knightly and Rowan Atkinson, this movie has something for everyone.
Moonlight and Valentino
Supported by an all star cast, this movie is centered around Elizabeth Perkin’s character, a woman stuck in the moments before her husband died, regretting her last words and regretting her priorities in life. Her friend, sister, and step-mother (with the help of a sexy painter played by Bon Jovi) help her work passed the “what if’s” of her lost relationship while working through their own life challenges. Whoopi Goldberg’s character comes to terms with how much her husband really does love her while Gwyneth Paltrow’s character struggles to keep from bonding with their step-mother, played by Kathleen Turner.
Sweet Home Alabama
Reese Witherspoon plays a southern girl who ran from a marriage, a family, a community and an identity for fear that would be all she would ever have. She got out and made the life for herself that she always wanted, fell in love with New York’s most eligible bachelor and didn’t look back… until she accepts a proposal and has to go home to get her divorce papers signed. Of course, home isn’t as bad as she remembered it and her childhood love melts her heart once again. She figures out which life is for her and which man she wants to be her groom, but not without a few laughs, tears and valuable life lessons along the way.
A Walk to Remember
Mandy Moore and Shane West do a phenomenal job interpreting Nicolas Sparks’ characters in this story of a powerful young love. A boy is changed by a young girl who doesn’t fit the mold. She challenges his mind and heart in every way, flipping his superficial life upside-down. They find abundant joy in giving more to each other than they thought they had in them to give. They learn that living with open hands instead of hording what you’re afraid to lose will ensure you will always have more than enough.
50 First Dates
Adam Sandler plays a commitment-phobic zoo worker who falls for a girl with a head injury that causes her to wake up every morning without a memory of the day before. They find ways to make their relationship work that will make you laugh out loud while putting your relatively easy relationship into perspective.
Great Expectations
A film loosely based on the novel Great Expectations about Fin and Estella, a boy and a girl put into each other’s lives by an eccentric and insanely jaded woman. They grew up with a bond neither of them could define or forget. Their polar opposite lives connect with electric shock at pivotal moments, and Fin’s whole existence is repeatedly put into orbit around Estella. His one true love dangles at his fingertips, ripping out his heart over and over again. He tries to stop loving her, but doing so means that he has to turn off part of himself. Watch as these powerful characters transform and how destiny strong-arms their free will, forcing them to stare love in the face until they submit.
