Outside Influences
Bob Narindra

This weekend was one of those rare occasions that I actually had time to sit down and watch a little television for pleasure. After surfing through the channels for a little while I settled on a movie called "Wishful Thinking" with Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Beales and a male actor whose name I can't recall. As it happens the movie was a great example of the damage an outside person can do to a relationship… which just happens to be the subject of this article.

The movie is centered around 3 people, Jennifer Beales, her boyfriend (named Max in the movie) and Drew Barrymore. Basically, Jennifer and Max are deeply in love until two things happen: 1. Max makes a mistake in not proposing and 2. Drew Barrymore's character decides she is in love with Max and tries by very covert and ingenious ways, to break them up.

The main point that I am trying to make by going into this is that this situation does not only occur in the movies, but is one of the most common causes of disharmony in relationships. The so-called "friend" plants doubts into one or both of the partners' mind(s) about the other that cause arguments and upsets between the couple.

This is actually a tactic that has been used in warfare and politics since the dawn of time. One person or group will fund both sides of a war, then sit back while they weaken or destroy each other. Germany did that with Russia by funding the first Russian revolution and Russia's defense at the same time. Then they weakened the Russian economy while they trained and educated Stalin to create a second revolution. The goal was to create so much confusion that the German troops would be able to march right in. Fortunately, they failed but there are many other examples throughout history that did not.

The point is that when there is an outside influence causing problems in a relationship, they will continue to create conflicts until they destroy the relationship or until they are found out. The types of things they do vary with each person. It could be about anything, not just infidelity. For example, they might plant doubts in the male partner's mind about being "tied down" or "under her thumb." They may also plant thoughts about whether you made the right choice: "You know that other guy you went out with was so much better." They may be direct, as in the last example, or indirect, as Drew Barrymore was in the movie: she planted the thought in Max's mind that Jennifer was cheating on him with one of her male friends. She then told the male friend to express his feelings for her in a card. Max, who by this time was extremely suspicious, found the card in Jennifer's bag, and of course Drew was right there to comfort him afterwards!

One point of note that has to be made here is that the "outside influence" does not always have to be a person you both know personally. For example, I saw a news broadcast the other day about "How to know if your partner is cheating on you?" It could also be a magazine or a book that you are reading where the author puts forth a viewpoint that causes you to have doubts about your partner.

So, if you find yourself in a conflict with your partner that just does not seem to resolve, no matter what you do, then sit down and make a list of everyone who has made any comments to either of you about your relationship. Make sure to include everything you can remember that has caused you to have doubts or harbor resentment. You will usually find one name or other source that sticks out above the rest and that is more than likely the cause of your problems. Once you recognize that that is what's been happening… no more conflicts.