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Living Together Before Marriage: Making The Decision
Weighing the pros and cons of both sides...
by Jennifer Good
Are you ready for the next step in your relationship? Deciding to live together before marriage is a very personal and life-changing decision to make. Make sure you've weighed all your options with a few viewpoints of how Lovingyou.com users feel about living together before marriage!
PROS:
I think that it is a good idea. You get to know each other on a personal level. You get to know their routines and it gives you a chance to see if you can get along with your mate for what is supposed to be for the rest of your life. If you have trouble getting along when you are living together it is easier and trouble to get out of a relationship then a marriage. ~Nichole Sasso
I think its fine as long as you don't rush into things. If you've been seeing
the person for awhile and you're comfortable with each others faults and quirks
then why not? ~Amber
People should live together before taking the big step because when you live
with someone you see a side of them you probably will never see otherwise! Like
on
their bad days you can see how bad they react or if they constantly fart all of
the time. You finally see the bad side of them not just the show they put up
for you every time you go on a date. ~Evelyn
Living together seems alright to me as long as there is no sexual activity.
Living together allows you to really get to know what life with that person
will be like. I think this is okay as long as sex is not an issue. Remember sex
is a gift you should only give your husband. ~jodi
Absolutely! It helps expose you to your partners quirks and habits that would
only surface when living with that person. HOWEVER, you should both decide on a
fair time limit (1year? 2years?) and then you'll need to decide whether to
"fish or cut bait"! ~Chris Sullivan
I am somewhat for it. I believe it is an excellent chance to get to know each
other better. From there you can decide whether or not marriage is an option or
not. I was raised up in a religious family that believes that living together
is wrong because it gives you an opportunity to have pre-marital sex. I feel
that if the couple is already having an intimate relationship then living
together doesn't really affect that belief because by religion they have
already broken that rule. Two wrongs do not make a right, but if they intend on
keeping an intimate relationship it doesn't matter whether they live together or
not. I guess it all comes down to the couple. I believe they shouldn't if they
have religious reasons, also it would put the family's mind at ease. But if
religion doesn't play a factor in this decision, then go for it. It is a
decision not to be taken lightly. But I don't find it wrong if made with your
heart in the right place. I am bound to respect my family's wishes for
religious reason's. Although in my personal opinion I would live with someone
that I was truly in love with and intended to marry. For me it just comes down
to pleasing my family or pleasing myself. ~Heather
It's o.k. to live together before marriage but the real question is how long do
you live together before getting married and will he ask you to marry or will
he be just comfortable living together? ~Anonymous
A good with set time frames. My son has been living with his finance for 1.5
years with wedding to come in Oct, my daughter 5 years with the same guy, no
wedding plans. If they are still not sure after 5 years, it's time to call it
quits and look for the right person! For the older generation (over 30 or the
second time around) this is just as important. As "real" adults, discussing the
time frame up front sounds like the best idea. That way, if there is still
uncertainty at the end of the set time, you can discuss repairs to be made, if
they can be made, or even if they should be made and separate without too much
difficulty. ~Donna
I think if you feel comfortable living together beforehand, then I would
recommend it. There is such a huge change involved in marriage. If you live
together beforehand, at least there is some stability and security already laid
down for you after the wedding. I also believe that those months before the
wedding are crucial to a relationship as far as closeness is concerned.
~Catherine
I am totally for it if a contract is completed before the living arrangements
occur...... ~Ladyluk
Perfectly acceptable, and preferable to getting married and finding you can't
live together! Must keep separate bank accounts and equally share the bills,
though! I've talked with both men and women who had their "partner" clean out
the shared account and disappear! ~Michael
CONS:
I personally don't believe in giving a bit of the apple before time is due. If
you live together, what do you have to look forward to in marriage? ~Clarissa
Not very advisable, for me personally. It takes away the excitement after
getting married. ~sussie
I don't believe in two people living together before they are married. I think
that it completely defeats the purpose of getting married. Why get married when
you have everything you ever wanted right there? You get married so you can
get divorced and argue over who gets what? Or so you can get it in writing? You
might as well just go on living together and pretend. On top of that it makes
it so much more complicated. It's like one person is totally contented with
this commitment free live-in relationship, and the other person left figuring
everything out. Is this fair if they really and truly do love one another? I
don't think so. ~Bet
I'm a Christian, period. So, I can't see why you should because they are too
many temptations when you are actually living together, and basically all it is
saying is that they are afraid of the big commitment of getting married and
then living together. ~victor newman
I think couples should not live together until they're married. They should
save all those special things for their wedding night. There needs to be a
commitment, not just trying it to see if it works out. :o) ~Kelly
Seeing as how i just recently kicked my ex-fiancée out, I would consider it a
bad thing. Not only are you stuck once you move in together, it is like a
divorce without the paperwork in the end. Bills and possessions are split, and
hearts are broken. ~Anonymous
I totally understand why two people who love each other very much would want to
live together. There are some "good" reasons to live together: you get to know
each other better before marriage, you're always around each other and so on.
But I think what a lot of people don't realize is that living together can
actually tear a relationship apart. Statistics prove that the longer a couple
live together the less likely they will be to get married. If you really love
someone and have complete faith in the fact that he or she is "the one" then
there will be no reason to live together--you will be able to take the good
with the bad when that time comes. The most important reason I don't think
people should live together is because it's morally wrong. God wants us to
completely trust him with our futures and the only way to do that is to
pray -and not to live together before marriage. ~Sophia
I know this is such an old cliche, but why buy the cow if you can get the milk
for free. You get all the benefits of marriage without the formal commitment.
What incentive is there for marriage if you are comfortable with the way things
are. Although most who agree with living together don't want hear this, but if
God intended people to live together He wouldn't have created marriage.
~Nicole Alexander
As someone who has done that in the past, I'm not recommending it. Why pretend
to be married? It doesn't give any sort of sense of security that marriage does
-- it's like you are playing make believe. ~amyji
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