I was in a 5 year relationship and deeply in love, but found out that my guy had cheated on me more than once. I couldn't get my trust back in him no matter how hard I tried. We had been apart 10 months when he told me he realized he loved me still. I decided to give him another chance because I still loved him. I found out he was still seeing the girl he had been with the last 6 months and I left him again. He now tells me that he realizes he messed up again after 4 months of us being apart. He wants me back again and said that this time he will be sure there will never be anyone else except me in his life. During the four months we were apart, I believed that there wasn't ever a chance for us again, so I agreed to give my ex-husband of 25 years a chance to date me again. I am still in love with this man and have always been good friends with my ex-husband, but I'm not in love with him. I also don't want to hurt my ex-husband because he has been so happy being back in my life. I don't know what to do and feel like running away from them both at times. What I want would be to be back with my lover and to have a good relationship like we had before he cheated on me. I had a good relationship with my husband, but we both agreed it grew stale. He says he never stopped loving me and wants us to be together again and promised to be more attentive. I am comfortable with him, but there isn't the fire I feel for his other man. Please advise me if you can.
--Stuck Between Two Exes

Stuck Between Two Exes,
First, you need to decide whether or not you seriously want to consider getting back together with your ex-boyfriend. Do you really want to go down that path again? He lied to you twice, straight to your face. It wasn't an omission or a little white lie. He knowingly engaged in a relationship with you, while already being involved with someone else. If that isn't enough for you to run for the hills, I don't know what is.

Let's assume you decide to kick your ex-boyfriend to the curb for good. Now you have your ex-husband to consider. You said you have a great friendship with him. I'm assuming you must have had an amicable marriage for it to have lasted 25 years. However, you mentioned lack of passion as the reason for your separation. To be honest, you have enough positive aspects to still work out something in this relationship, if it is what you truly desire. While you might have felt an immediate passionate connection with your ex-boyfriend, it's not impossible to feel the same way towards your ex-husband.

My advice is to realize exactly what kind of guy your ex-boyfriend is and handle that situation once and for all. Then, do some soul searching and see if there is any real potential of cultivating your relationship with your ex-husband. If there is, seriously seek out a counselor that is an expert in rediscovering the passionate side of relationships. However, if you know deep down that you wouldn't be happy in that relationship either, it's time to cut ties and try it out on your own. At least you'll know you didn't settle and go against your own personal integrity in the process.

With Love,

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