I've been seeing this wonderful woman for about three months. We both want to make it an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and have held off on having sex to avoid complicating our situation. Our problem is that we both have issues from previous relationships that impede us from getting past the "just seeing each other" phase. We talk about our issues quite a bit, but it feels like we're in a rut, and are both scared to take the next step. I'm really not sure what to do at this point. Can you help us?
--Scared To Commit

Dear Scared To Commit,
When you try to protect yourself against future emotional pain, you end up hurting yourself worse. You may not get hurt the way you were trying to avoid, but someone will definitely end up getting hurt, and it's usually you.

Love is learning to trust someone else with your true inner feelings. Yes, they can do things that can cause immense pain, but real love is about trusting them not to. The whole experience, whether it's good or bad, is about learning more about yourself and what you are capable of handling. You grow in ways you wouldn't know were possible because of your involvement in that person's life.

You can try to protect yourself forever, but you aren't doing yourself any favors. Life can't be experienced to its fullest potential when you continually shut the doors its opening for you.

My advice, give it a try. You both have a similar background; maybe that will help you both get past your emotional pain. It's possible that you've both gone through what you did, just so you could be together. If you don't at least give it a try, how will you know?

With Love,

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