I have cheated on my fiancé several times in the four years of our relationship. I honestly always used the excuse in my mind that I was young and wanted to get it "out of my system" before actually settling into a monogamous marriage. From the moment I became engaged, all yearnings to be promiscuous have subsided. I look forward to spending the rest of my life with my husband, and only my husband. So the question remains: Do I confess my infidelity to him and possibly ruin what could be a near-perfect marriage, or move on secretly with life lessons learned? Admitting my wrong-doings would not be difficult for me, but watching my fiancé become depressed and extremely hurt would be excruciating, especially since he does not know about my infidelity and we are otherwise a very happy couple.
--Morally Torn

Dear Morally Torn,
While it’s completely your decision to make, personally, I think he has a right to know. I feel that if you go through with this marriage and don’t tell him, your marriage will be based, at least partially, on a lie. What happens if at some point you have problems in your marriage? I know you justified the infidelity with a certain rationale, but honestly can you guarantee that it won’t happen again? He has a right to know that this is a possibility. In addition, this would be a great test to see whether your relationship and connection with your partner is strong enough to survive this situation. Yes, he’ll be hurt, but you probably should have thought of that before doing it. You also can’t guarantee that he’ll never find out about it. You don’t want this kind of “worry” hanging around in your marriage, trust me, and you certainly don’t want him to find out from someone else. Like I said before, however, this is a personal decision you have to make based on what you feel is right. I guess the best way to look at it is this: What would you want him to do if the situation were reversed?

With Love,

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