I have been in the process of a nasty divorce for the past year, and there is someone else. I love him, but there is so much hurt from the previous marriage and I have some serious issues. I want to be with him, but I'm afraid. I keep holding myself back because I am afraid to get hurt. He hasn't left yet. How do I let go of those other bad feelings? Please help before I hurt him and myself. -All Messed Up

Dear All Messed Up,
To be completely honest, the best thing for you right now is to avoid getting into another relationship until you've had a chance to sort your emotions through. A divorce is an emotional process, even without the "nastiness" many experience. You need time to figure out what went wrong, heal from any emotional damage, and find out who you are without a partner. During most of a marriage your identity is wrapped up with another person. It is important to spend time alone to figure out more about yourself, your personal needs and your desires for life. Being with someone else is only going to hinder this excellent chance for self-growth. Give yourself more time…until YOU are ready. The right guy will be there for you when you are.

With Love,

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