My husband and I have been living in different cities for 2 years now. I decided not to move with his job change because I didn't feel like I was getting anything out of the marriage anymore. I felt abandoned and only around to take care of "life" stuff. We've seen a marriage counselor over the past 2 years and have gotten through some of the problems and corrected some of the bad behavior that we both had done. My question is, can you get that true love back? I do love him, but I'm not in love with him. I'm not sure what else I can do to try and get that spark back. I'm facing a decision to stay where I'm at and more than likely get a divorce or move to his location. -Looking For The Spark

Dear Looking For The Spark,
It's very possible to get that in love feeling back. The only problem is you need two people who WANT to get it back. It's no wonder you don't have the "in love" feeling, you haven't done anything to get it back. You can't make a decision to be apart and say you've given it your all. That's the easy way out. You have to take responsibility for your part in the demise of the relationship. How do you think he felt when you made a choice to stay away for two years? Do you think he felt abandoned? How would you feel if he did the same?

Being apart only causes a larger rift to exist between you. Absence does NOT make the heart grow fonder, especially if you have unfinished business to take care of. It's too easy to allow yourself to feel unattached when the other person isn't there.

You've been apart for two years. You have a lot of ground to cover if you truly desire to reunite. Your husband has more than likely changed significantly from his time spent living alone. If you REALLY want to save the marriage you need to move back together and start working on things as a team.

I don't know all the details of your situation, but there is one aspect you may want to make sure you've look at. If you do get a divorce, do you feel you've learned enough to make a go out of another relationship? What can you say you've learned about yourself and your ability to handle upsets with another person? What if the problem is your inability to stick around and work things out? Just something to think about…

With Love,

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