Two months ago I started seeing a man I met through work. The "story" at work was that he was divorced and had a child. Not long after we started seeing each other I became curious about the things I had heard and proceeded to ask him how long he had been divorced. His response, "Do you really want to get into this right now?" I did not push any further. It was clear by his answer he was not ready to discuss that subject with me. I was OK with that because we had only been on a few dates. Well, about 2 weeks ago he sat me down and started to tell me that he really liked me. He went on to tell me he wasn't actually divorced yet, although he and his wife have been separated for 2 years. The divorce is in the process, just not finalized. He then proceeds to tell me he has been married not once, but twice. Needless to say I was a little shocked. I really like this guy. We enjoy many of the same things and have a great time together. He's so funny, very intelligent, and very attractive (and we've not had sex)! First, he's been married twice and I don't want to be the third. Second, I'm just not sure how I should feel about his divorce not being final yet. I've never been in a situation like this and I'm not sure what to do. How do I handle this? -Two Strikes Against Him

Dear Two Strikes Against Him,
I understand your concern and I can't say I wouldn't feel the same if I was in a similar situation. There are definitely a few personal points to consider. I guess at this point you need to decide what your own viewpoints and considerations on this are. First start by asking yourself a few questions. What is it about him being married twice that has you feeling hesitant about continuing the relationship? Are you worried he may have too much emotional baggage? Have you talked to him about why the marriages failed? Is he open with you about communication on these matters? These conversations may be a great starting point to determining whether you should stay in the relationship or move on. If he holds back information, seems uncommunicative about the subject or excessively blames his previous marital partners for the marriage failures you may want to look for a quick exit strategy.

Since you are also feeling unstable about the divorce not being final, it is important to address this issue with him as well. If your concern is whether he is telling you the truth about the status of his marriage, I think it is a favorable sign that he was open and honest with you about what is going on in his life. It is understandable that he waited until he was sure he wanted to keep dating you before letting you know about it. I don't think you would want to advertise your flaws on your first dates either. On the other hand, if you really feel this is major point of concern you may want to put the relationship on hold until after the divorce is final. This may be an excellent gauge as to how serious he feels about a relationship with you.

From your letter I gather this relationship is still in its early stages. It is best to decide soon what you want to do before any real emotional damage is done to either party.

With Love,

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