My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now, and he really loves me and all, but every time my birthday, Christmas or Valentine's Day comes around, he doesn't do anything special for me or get me a really nice gift. He either gets me something small or okay, but it's always way after the fact and doesn't make me feel special at all. This really hurts my feelings and I've told him so, but nothing has changed. His usual excuse is that he doesn't have any money. The worse part is that he just got his younger sister an expensive present and got her something really nice last Christmas too. Yet, he doesn't find any money to get me something nice. Am I being petty or wrong for feeling so ignored and unloved? I hate feeling like this, but it really hurts. Please tell me if I am being overly petty, or if this is not ok. -Penny Pinching Boyfriend

Dear Penny Pinching Boyfriend,
You don't have to justify the way you feel to anyone. It doesn't matter if the only reason you don't want to be with someone is because you don't like their nose or the way they look in a certain hat. They're your reasons, your life, and in the end you are the only one that has to live with those decisions. In this situation I doubt it's the fact that he hasn't bought you some amazingly expensive gift, but rather the manner the gift giving has been done. No one wants to feel like they are a chore or a bother to be handled. I know of a couple who's only Christmas present to her husband was a handwritten letter. To him that was the best present she could have given because of what was written in that letter. Gifts aren't about buying the most elaborate thing, but rather communicating that you want to make the other person feel like you've really thought about them. Your boyfriend either doesn't understand this, or given his recent gift buying for his sister, doesn't care enough about your relationship to put in the extra effort. This is the angle I'd look long and hard at. Unreciprocated attention only leads to resentment in a relationship. If this trend continues imagine how unsatisfied you will feel after five more years. And, if it really is the money do you want to be in a relationship where money is more important than creative imagination? Imagine what it will be like if you get married. Some people are okay with that type of relationship, but it doesn't really sound like you would be one of them. From where I'm standing it doesn't look like this is the relationship of your dreams. If you decide that this is true for you, remember it wasn't about the gifts; it's about how he's made you feel about yourself by being with him.

With Love,

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