My girlfriend of 6 months moved away to college only about an hour away from me in September. Everything was going fine until she met a guy that lives in the same dorm as her. In October she came down for my birthday and was happy as can be to see me, but the week of my birthday she broke up with me. In talking with her trying to understand why this even happened I guess she started to get a crush on this guy and then started to get feelings for him. She said she tried to ignore them, but she couldn't. She said that he treated her like an old ex of hers treated her and that she was longing for that. I admit I could have treated her a little better than I did, and I started to, but I had no clue that she wanted to be treated like that. I thought I was doing my best. This is the first girl I have actually truly loved with all of my heart. I just don't know what to do. She says she wants to stay friends and I would like that too, but I also want to try and get back together with her. I don't know if I should talk to her less or talk to her the same amount as I use to. Some of my friends say to give her time and she will realize her mistake. Another friend said if she loved me as much as she said she did she would have never done this and worked things out. A part of me wants to move on but the other part wants to stick around. I'm always going to feel that "what if" feeling: what if we did get back together and stayed together? I'm just torn up inside as to what to do. I don't want to push her away from me or act obsessive. But I also want her to know that I still love her with all of my heart. What should I do? -Hoping Against Hope

Dear Hoping Against Hope,
"What ifs" are mental traps. Instead of focusing on moving away from a dead end situation, they keep you right there in the middle of it. I would take the advice of your friend and realize that if the love shared between you two had been equal, she would not have succumbed to another love affair. I know it hurts and it would be much easier if somehow she called you and told you that she made a horrible mistake. Let's be real though, the odds of that happening are very slim. My advice is to take some time to analyze the relationship. Figure out what things you enjoyed about a relationship with her, and what things you didn't like. When you start your quest for a new relationship, or you find someone you'd like to take things further with, remember that list and make sure you are making a step up from this relationship. Doing this helps increase your chances that your next love affair could actually be the one.

With Love,

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