I have recently divorced after 3 years of separation. I am having a great time being on my own with my 2 children for the first time ever (meaning not under my parent's roof or with my spouse), and I'm loving it! Yeah, there are challenges, but I just love the freedom and the self-confidence I have gained as a result of leaving a verbally abusive relationship (he was the abuser). So here's my question - there are times where I would love to get into a healthy relationship and then I get scared and think - why do I want to do that - why wreck a good thing? The thought of dating frightens me and also excites me, but honestly, it really mostly frightens me. I have only dated one man and I ended up marrying him and then divorcing him. So what gives? Why am I going back and forth on this? -Divorced And LOVING It!

Dear Divorced And LOVING It!,
First of all, congratulations to your new found freedom! Independence is a wonderful way to learn valuable life lessons that carry over to your relationships. Now, down the real issue at heart. A relationship isn't always the ultimate goal of dating. Sometimes, it's just a way to enjoy the companionship of someone else. If you are feeling trepidation towards the idea of dating, you might be putting too much importance on the end result. Just relax and have fun meeting new people. There isn't a rule that if you date someone you have to consider them for a serious relationship. If you happen to find someone you enjoy spending more time with than others, then you can start thinking about a relationship with them. Otherwise, just enjoy the experience your single hood is offering you. When the time is right to actually settle down, you'll know.

With Love,

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