Okay, this one is loaded. I have been engaged for almost a year now. We got engaged about a month after we met. It has been a very rocky year. That's fine but it seems like he doesn't even care when he makes me cry or what it was that made me cry in the first place. He screams at me when he is mad, I know he would never hurt me but I keep having the feeling that he is keeping something from me. I confronted him on it once and he yelled at me to stop the car and when I wouldn't he threatened to jump out. I stopped and he got out. After about a half an hour I finally got him back to his house. It was Easter and we were supposed to be at my house an hour ago. I told him the last time he yelled at me like that, the next time he did it, the relationship would be over. So when he did it again I reminded him of that and he went in the house and got a knife and threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him. Naturally I screamed and got him to stop and eventually he did. When his parents came home I told them what he did and they calmly talked to him, but nothing near what he needed to hear. I left to have dinner with my family and told him I would be there in the morning to pick him up to go back to school together. We got through it once again and he said he would start taking an anti-depressant. We haven't had any problems since then. Now here is the tricky part: An old friend of mine who has gone through my many relationships with me has come back into my life. This guy is the person I knew I could spend the rest of my life with but I wasn't ready for that commitment yet. He has remained a very good friend of mine, Now I am ready for that commitment and he is too. Here is my question: What do I do about this? Do I stay with my fiancé and try to work it out? Or do I break off the engagement, spend some time alone and then try a relationship with my friend? Please help! -At War With Myself

Dear At War With Myself,
When people find themselves in damaging relationships, a good way to confront what they've been putting you through is to take the "if I had a daughter" approach. If you had a daughter who told you this same story, what would you tell her to do?

I think it may be time for some serious soul searching on your part. Take a few minutes and write down all the qualities you feel are important to exist for a healthy, loving relationship. Now re-read what you wrote and see how many of those qualities actually exist. Every person is a good person underneath, but it doesn't mean they have learned or know how to coexist properly with other people. Or, that they even have the good of another person at heart.

Don't add weight to your relationships by making them serious so quickly. Being engaged is a wonderful period, but it should be entered into after serious thought and knowing of your partner.

It may be extremely wise for you to take some time off from any relationship and take time to discover a little bit more of yourself. If a relationship with your other friend fosters, take it slowly and enjoy it, instead of rushing into something so quickly.

With Love,

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