I've been dating my guy for 2 years now. We started talking about marriage a year ago, but that's it...just talking. He claims he wants to marry me, but when I quiz him about a time frame, he freezes, telling me to "believe in him and to trust him." How long is long enough? Do I resign myself to wait and wait? I really want to marry him, he knows this, but I am growing frustrated and resentful. -Marriage Phobic?

Dear Marriage Phobic?,
People get gun shy about marriage for a myriad of reasons. Decoding his reasons will be the key to getting the proposal you desire. For men, the idea of their life changing after getting married can be extremely intimidating. There are so many "married-life" stereotypes that it generates real fear in some men. So, how does a girl get her man? By following these steps!

1. Make him aware that married life won't be that different to the life you already have. Communication truly is the key to every problem. If you can set the stage for what's to come, you may find him more secure about the idea of marriage. A fun and clever way to do this is through a couples question type book, like our recent Questions for Couples eBook. Tell him you want to try asking the questions for fun. Not only will you learn new and interesting things about each other, you'll be opening the door to a closer, more intimate relationship with each other.
   
   
2. Get on the same page. A relationship is a constant cycle of creation. You always need to be moving towards or about something. Take the time to define what his ideas of marriage, commitment, romance and relationships are. Find out what his goals regarding this relationship are. There may be some hidden clues about his hesitation in his answers. He may have some silly mocked-up version of marriage that is inhibiting him from moving forward with you. The only way to know, is to ask.
   
   
3. You won't be another statistic. I can't give you a map to his mind, but I can give you a similar experience that may be helpful. When my husband and I decided to get married, I was still a little nervous about it. To me, marriage was (and still is) a lifetime commitment. I did not want our marriage to end up being another divorce statistic. The problem with that is, how can there be a guarantee that things will stay the same between two people 5, 10 even 25 years down the line? You can't, but you can certainly take steps to avoid it. What we did was go through and talk about each point about marriage that concerned us. How should we handle arguments that got too out of hand? What would our "last resort" be? What would we do if one of us had crossed the line? Basically, we made agreements about how to handle the worst-case scenarios BEFORE they happened. We could now enter into a lifetime agreement on the same page, knowing that each of us agreed to the same principles.
   
   
4. Love me or leave me. If you feel like you're still not getting anywhere with him after exhausting all resources, you might just have to face the fact that he isn't your Mr. Perfect after all. If he were, you'd have the ring by now! And to be honest, sometimes people need to face the fear of losing something before truly appreciating it. Hopefully, your love story won't end like this, but if it does, know you're doing the right thing and that your REAL Mr. Perfect is still out there waiting for you!

With Love,

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