I'm in my late 30s, divorced, with children. I recently met a man who also has children, but whose divorce is not yet final. I kicked my first husband out ultimately because of his infidelity. My family now feels this new man is the same way. I don't feel that way; he's responsible, respectful, and very family-oriented. I've met his children, and he's met mine. He treats all of us well, something my first husband never did. My mom still says that all men are no good; but isn't it possible I met one that is good? Her first reaction to him was that maybe he's my one true love. I went on to be nauseated, sleepless, and with no appetite for over a month until I decided to give it a chance. Then I never felt better. I'm not naive like I used to be; are there any signs that I should look for as indicators of his true intentions? -Think It's Love in Jersey

Dear Think It's Love in Jersey,
The most difficult aspect of love is learning to trust your heart to someone else. BUT…the most rewarding aspect of love is actually being able to trust your heart to that person. So, how do you know if he's "one of the good ones?" You'll know by his actions.

His divorce isn't final yet, so there are few things you should get a clear picture about. Is he still living or having extreme contact with his past wife. What is his relationship with her? Does he take part of the responsibility for the failure of the marriage? Or, does he place the blame on her? What type of relationship is he looking for? Long-term, short-term… This is extremely important to determine early, especially when children are involved! If he is just getting divorced, are you the rebound relationship? Is he saying things and doing something different? Don't ignore important warning signs just because they may seem trivial to you. If it's important to you, then it should be important to him.

Now, for that nagging voice on your shoulder… For every risk, there is an equal reward. The winners are the ones who don't take unnecessary or unprepared moves. (See questions above!) The winners are also the ones that don't stop short of the finish line.

Regardless if this guy is "the one" or not, you need to stop worrying about what other people think about your relationships. I know this is much easier said than done, but it is a priority you need to consider. No man will ever be good enough if you have people whispering over your shoulder about their faults and every negative thing that could possibly happen. Life is not without its risks. That's what makes it interesting. If you are really interested in a person, don't let the past or other people's experiences cast a shadow of doubt on something that could be great. You need to allow yourself the freedom to be able to love again freely. Sometimes it may not work out, but when it does, those experiences are worth their weight in gold.

With Love,

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