Love Task #17
"I Hear You"

Ask any couple on the street what's the most important ingredient to a successful relationship and more often than not you'll hear the answer, communication. Even with so many couples being aware of this, you'd be surprised at how many still cite communication as their number one relationship problem source. If couples realize the importance of communication, then why does it remain a number one problem source? The answer lies not in the act of speaking, but rather in the art of listening.

We often employ many bad listening habits without even realizing it, day after day. We become defensive; after all they are talking about what we're doing. We think we've heard it all before, especially if one partner comes across as nagging. Our mind starts wandering to all the things we need to do or anything we'd rather do than listen. We interrupt to make sure "our" point gets across. Most people have been guilty of at least one of the prior habits.

For this week's task, we're going to change all that! No matter what stage your relationship is in, you'll find a vast improvement after you apply these simple tips and ideas to show that you actually "hear" what they are saying.

Weekly Assignment:

Apply these four rules to your every day life.

Four Rules to Listening With Purpose

1. Listen with the purpose of understanding your partner's point-of-view. Even if you don't actually agree with it, take measures to really understand why they have come to place of reasoning they are at. Nearly every time you do this, one of you will realize there has been a misunderstanding and the problem can, typically, be easily resolved.
   
   
2. When the impulse to jump in starts to arise, take a deep breath and return to focusing on what your partner is saying. Don't keep your attention on the comebacks or "points" you want to make. If it's really important you will still remember it after your partner is done speaking. It's impossible to focus on yourself and fully listen to your partner at the same time.
   
   
3. Assess your intent concerning your desire to communicate what you are about to say before you say anything. If you want to jump in just to make them happy, ease their fears, discount what they are saying or you just plain want to talk about yourself - don't. Take a deep breathe and continue to listen to what they have to say, following rule number one even more conscientiously.
   
   
4. Make sure to acknowledge that you are listening to your partner. That doesn't mean you have to agree with everything they say. You only have to let them know that you have heard and understand what they are saying.

Daily Assignments:

• Each day take note of one particular thing that your partner has expressed a less than positive emotion about. This is mostly applicable towards any of your partner's self-invalidation or worries about anything. Make it a point the next day to either write a note or verbally address the issue. For example, if your partner was a little upset with something that happened at work, write a note the next day telling them you hope their day is better and you look forward to seeing them after work.
  
  
• Pay attention to reoccurring communication. If leaving the toilet roll empty drives them nuts, then for this week, make it a conscious point to do the opposite.

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