Relationship Compromises

by Jessica Padykula

What aspects in your life should you be willing to change to make a relationship work?

Making a relationship work means being flexible. Making compromises is part of the deal. But you don’t want to over-compromise and give up too much of yourself to hold on to a guy. So how do you find a balance?

Gloria MacDonald, founder of Perfect Partners, a personalized matchmaking service, offers her advice on where you should loosen up. “I think you should be willing to change a ton,” she says. But she also stresses that what you do compromise on should never be the stuff of substance. For example, if finding someone who wants to have kids is important to you, or someone who understands the importance of family, then don’t compromise on those core values. But here are a few things you can be flexible on.

Your need to win and be right all the time
No one is right all the time, not even you. Even if your parents let you think you were never wrong and your best friend in elementary school let you win every argument, real life means being wrong some of the time and maybe not having to win every argument. There will be times that no one wins, when its better just to walk away rather than fight for hours or even days. And if he’s right, give him the satisfaction of accepting it. After all, maybe the next time you’ll be right, and won’t you want him to acknowledge the win?

Your idea of what a relationship should be
No, we don’t mean you should settle for any loser who comes along and offers to buy you a beer. But the scenario of your one true love being a complete and utter prince charming, who’s going to whisk you away to happy-land where all you do is gaze into each other’s eyes and have candle lit dinners, might have to be tweaked. You may have to compromise your belief that a relationship has to be perfect in order to be worth staying in. Relationships take work – even the great ones.

Your need to nag
Will socks on the floor make or break your relationship? Probably not. They may be annoying, but if you love him you’ll deal with the socks. The same goes for caps not being put back on toothpaste or dishes being put pack in the wrong cupboards. Nagging him about little things is just going to cause tension, and chances are there are things you do that drive him nuts. Save your concern for the bigger issues, like him never helping with housework or always breaking plans with you to hang out with the guys. No one is perfect, so you will have to accept some small annoyances in every relationship.

Your “list”
MacDonald says that most of us have a list in our heads of the criteria that make up the kind of guy we think we will end up with. She compares this ideal-man list to a shopping list. For example, you might think you are looking for a man who is olive skinned, dark haired, makes over 80K and loves golden retrievers. That’s all well and good, but what can happen is that when you start dating someone who doesn’t meet each and every one of those criteria, you don’t give the new relationship your all. MacDonald stresses that these lists we make can really hold us back. If you meet a guy and feel some chemistry, but he doesn’t meet your height and hair color requirements, go with it anyway. You never know what can happen.