you are here: by Kat Hobza
You want a rewarding and fulfilling marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before walking down the aisle…
Do you have a sense of humor?
A sense of humor is vital, and the first person you have to laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God has a sense of humor. He obviously assumed we would too.
Do you know you’ll have to work? Hard?
I solicited the opinion of dozens of women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be work every hour of every day, but there will be days when your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage 101.
Do you realize marriage is not 50/50?
Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half, he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favor. Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon the scorecard and self-pity.
Do you have a general acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?
Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and the ugly.
Do you have expectations of your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?
If you said “I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now. Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows. If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand.
Do you know comparisons are a death sentence for marriages?
Like fingerprints, marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it works for you.
Do you know your fiancé is bilingual?
Read a couple books about how men communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma. We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14 times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold, he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to read, understand and appreciate man-speak.
In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those on your own.
this is soooo true… so does this mean that my boyfriend and i are ready for marriage!!! it’d be lovely if he proposed… we love each other
Perfect
Oh so true. He may not be as romantic as when we date or sometimes we really have to talk our way through problems, but I know for sure neither of us would ever cheat on one another.
Been living together for over 6 yrs and married for almost 2. Didn’t even read such an article b4 I got married but haven’t warn the “pink glasses” either.
Now those are words to live (and love) by.
Realy i see love as a scale of balance between
two cuple it depend where it wieght to for access of the love for two cuples reality can be sugercoated communication,understanding and patience has a lot to do in love,a lasting
This article is kinda funny but actually pretty right on. You’re the only one I know that’s getting married soon so I thought I’d share it with you!!
Hope all is well!
Alana
THought you may want to see this honey!
I agree with it.
Guess we can get married now.
Sacha
I so much enjoy this article. It really helped in giving me a clearer picture on my expectations. Thank you so much , I am looking forward to changes in my relationship and accept him and appreciate him and the little things he say and do.
I really wish I had known this stuff before I get married. I would have been so much happier so much sooner.
i like this article…thumbsssss up on this one..
i love this…i really learned from this=)
Its sooo damm true,thaks for giving such a wonderful article that made alot of things clear………..
Awsome
I am happy I am not married yet
Good things to consider
This makes me and my man a perfect match for each other
Am very greatful to God for this site, can I Post my question to you.
This is great! My wife must read it too. I know it will gladden her heart.
Thank you so much for putting it up.
How nice it would be if the girls would go with these !
Thank u so much for these nice advices and guidance
Thanks for reminding me of what I have in my husband. I needed this after 22yrs. I will pass this on to other women.
I have been married 2 times brofe, I have made all the mistakes listed above, and have learned so many valuable lessons. Dont be scared to say what you think, act how you feel, and most of all set the rules from the beginning. dont try to be the person you think he wants you to be, because in the end you will be so unhappy and un fufilled. I have met my forever love and we are honest to a fault with each other. I that person is really your forever person he will love you for you.
really interesting
Wow.Thanks for the tips.I can now readily accept to give into my sweet boyfriend.
thank God someone Finaly had the courage to tell the truth about relationships without worring about how many books can be sold
this is such a very nice article..sort of really makes me appreciate my man more..and this really helps..a lot…excellent!
This is a great article. My fiancee and I are getting married in September. If you guys want to read a good book on marriage, read Every Woman’s Marriage and Every Man’s Marriage. They are Christian books that helps you understand your spouse.
I enjoyed this article and wish to be getting more and more of this everyday. it is wow! Thanks a lot!
Really in marriage it needs faithful, this is great, i would think all girls could to read this.
this is very good to hear, glad i got to know this before getting married.Will do me a alot of help…
this is really true and must say am going to stick by it and i know its gonna help me a lot. girls this is a must read.
great!i just realised marriage is not abt 50/50.it really made alot of things clear.
this is a very good lessonfor me.please send me more ofthese.am very grateful.
thanx.
yes this a reality
Thank God becos am on my way to say I do Igain alort and I believe this will go along way to help my Home stand.
this is totally true. i am not in a relationship right now but i have heard and seen enough to know that what you are saying is totally true.
Thank you!
Yes, I’m not ready to get married. Is been a year long that I thought that I’m ready to get married. Little does I know that I’m actually pressuring my boyfriend to propose to me. Now, I understand that reality can’t be sugar-coated. When the time is right; it’s right! I’m not ready but I’m aware now
Wow!!! Thats lovely and true indeed…That really made me think again.
this is nice!!i wish all ladies wld red this.it is very wise for any woman to try and understand their mens pshycology so as to have a mutual relationship.
am in a relationship and we really love each other simply because we have allowed ourselves to understand each other
Before commiting for life, know that a man worries about his future when he marries but a woman worries about the future til she gets married. Im married but dudes and chiks take your time…….
This is really great, I courted my husband for 10 years before we actually married, we are now married for two years now and both determined to make things worked out fine, this reality is very helpful to me amd my husband…….
Thanks for these nice advices and guidance, it’s good.
these is so true i think we should rely on lovingyou.com i think we should learn more from it.thank you so much
i have a very goood friend who i always feel free 2 tel and share anything. we got pretty much close and therefore feel i nid 2 get married. i have been a pressure 2 him propose 2 me not thinking about his opinions. now am glad i read this coz it will help me understand him more. kudos!
I used to expect more from my guy, bt i realised marriage isn’t 50/50.
Tnx a lot for the awareness.
That is absolutely necessary,infact a bedrock to a successful marriage!!
Thanks a lot it is really important to me
verygood….i think with this am ready to get married to him.
its a good article for people like me. i really love it and will put itr to practice.
Thanks alot it really touched me though not in a relationship now.
Great info. Many people compare their spouse’s worse aspects to best aspects of another spouse in another marriage. Wake up. No marriage is perfect, but it can be very close if you’re willing to make it perfect in your eyes.