you are here: by Kat Hobza
You want a rewarding and fulfilling marriage? You can have one, but you need a dose of reality first. Here are things you need to say “I do” to before walking down the aisle…
Do you have a sense of humor?
A sense of humor is vital, and the first person you have to laugh at is yourself. Consider this- men and women have to hook up on some level to propagate the species, proving God has a sense of humor. He obviously assumed we would too.
Do you know you’ll have to work? Hard?
I solicited the opinion of dozens of women for this topic, and the feedback was unanimous. You have to be willing to work. Some women think if you’re a perfect match, your marriage shouldn’t be work. Those people are called divorcees. It’s true your marriage shouldn’t be work every hour of every day, but there will be days when your marriage will require extra energy (a term I prefer over “work”). Like Grandpa used to say, anything worth having is worth working for. Welcome to Marriage 101.
Do you realize marriage is not 50/50?
Gotcha! You figure you’ll give half, he’ll give half and you’ll meet somewhere in the middle. You poor, poor dear. The reality is, there will be some days you’ll give 90% and you may or may not get 10% back. There may be weeks or months that pass with the scales out of whack. Remember- you committed your whole life to him, and in your lifetime the scales will shift back in your favor. Interestingly, the scales will align faster if you abandon the scorecard and self-pity.
Do you have a general acceptance of your significant other’s shortcomings?
Does he leave the toilet seat up? Get over it. Are his table manners a fright? Look the other way. Is he a tight-wad? You better be at one with strict budgets. Try seeing your new hubby’s annoying habits as endearing. In addition to his positive traits, his quirks make him who he is. Figure out a way to truly accept the whole package- the good, the bad and the ugly.
Do you have expectations of your marriage or soon-to-be-spouse?
If you said “I do” to this one, start goggling divorce attorneys now. Fundamental expectations like being treated well, being faithful, or being honest are covered by your wedding vows. If you want a long lasting marriage, let go of any romance novel or Lifetime movie expectations you have. The men in Hollywood are actors. Real men, generally speaking, are not geared for romance and eloquent, loving speeches. With this attitude, you’ll better enjoy the thoughtful little things your new husband does. Lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand.
Do you know comparisons are a death sentence for marriages?
Like fingerprints, marriages are unique and specific to the two individuals involved and the one-of-a-kind bond they create. Instead of scowling at your husband when your friend brags about the romantic vacation her husband took her on, just smile. Maybe your friend left out how her husband ogled other women on the beach or said something at dinner that made her cry. You never know what goes on behind closed doors- be secure in what you and your husband share and the knowledge that it works for you.
Do you know your fiancé is bilingual?
Read a couple books about how men communicate or have a sit-down with your aunts and grandma. We think we grasp the Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus concept, but we don’t. He may not say “I love you” 14 times a day, but he might fill your car when it’s out of gas, maybe he’ll cover you with a blanket when you’re cold, he may bring you a glass of wine when you’re in the tub, or he might listen to stories about the kids when he just wants to crawl in a hole and go to sleep. You have to learn to read, understand and appreciate man-speak.
In order for a marriage to be successful, reality can’t be sugar-coated. Long term commitments are not for the faint of heart. A lasting union takes a great deal of love, patience, true grit and guts. The benefits are countless. I’ll leave you to discover those on your own.
This makes me feel that marriage is not for me in my life. I can’t go along with all of these “rules”.
im divorced. he was the wrong guy and i was not the right gurl for him. you are just so very righ,the guy may get you the world yet not love or respect. marriage is a beautiful relationship, that’s one thing i wish i’d realized earlier. then i would ve fought even more to get away from that guy.
THESE THINGS ARE REALLY TRUE. i WAS BLESSED READING THROUGH. PLEASE KEEP IT UP.
great……….
I love the last part the best…your partner is bilingual!!
I MOST certainly agree with you must accept the whole package-the good, the bad and the ugly. That is SO true!!!
I most certainly agree with you must accept the good,bad & the ugly. This is SO true!!!!!!!!
Thats all true, I have realised love needs patiance, overlooking and selflessness.
Actually,its a good one.Please keep it up!Certainly,marriage its not for the feeble minded ones,rather it is for the great minded one.And great minds are for ideas,thats why i agree with your concept of marriage…
wow, i found this article very useful, thank you for posting it…
thank God I’m dating a guy who’s not romantic. We’re realistic and we’re happy. Marriage is not all about 24-hour-in-romanticism, it’s a reality. My friends had divorced only because they think “my husband is not romantic anymore after we’re married”. If you’re expecting a full romanticism in marriage, you’re WRONG.
I feel that this is harsh reality check for anyone wanting to get married
dont do it, it is a trap!
why should you live a life with lowered expectations… unless you are sadistic
i agree with the first poster. not for me
too true, endurance and patient sustains marraige
too true, endurance and patient sustains marriage
The trick is finding the person who will also read these rules and laugh with you at them. We’re celebrating our 4th anniversary this week, and I do agree with some of these, except for the “lowered expectations and happily ever after go hand in hand…” Why would you marry someone who wasn’t what you really wanted in a spouse? And frightful table manners? I’m not going to look the other way, I would tell him outright. We adopted a policy of complete honesty, and it improved everything SO much. The good or the bad, I would rather hear it! Keeping your mouth shut just builds resentment. Be honest, LISTEN, and have a sense of humour. There will be times where you WILL have to give 90%- my husband needed surgery, and I had to take over all the household chores. But when I’m sick he takes them all over. It should be balanced when its all said and done. I’m not a maid, and my husband isn’t either. My husband is my best friend, and I treat him as such.
weldone. a great piece just wish many married and intending couples get this sweet insight because marriage is a reward, a precious gift
Marriage is great!!! I love being married
I agree that love is patience but not endurance at all times because we are ment to enjoy our marriages and men should know when their spouse is in pain, because there are some who behave as if their spouse is a fool for bein patient and enduring, intead of making her happy, they continue their wrongs even after several complaints. What do you call that? love or hatred.
This is so true. And hope i can remember it when i get married thank you so much!
i love this…marriage or a long-term relationship is definitely no child’s play…itz for matured minds who are willing to give of themselves for better or for worse…keep it up!
I agree with some of these items but no one who is head-over-heels should feel like they are settling, especially in marriage. I really can’t stand hearing people talk down on the most beautiful bond that exists. Marriage is not that hard people! When God is the center of you marriage, it can’t go wrongs. So, live, learn, but above all just love each other and you will be amazed at how happy you are!
I agree with most of this but disagree with the negative bits in the list. If you want a true list of things to consider before marriage, see Corinthians in the Bible. Romance is a necessary part of making each other feel loved and being in any relationship, especially an eternal one. Marriage can and should be sugar coated; it should also be held in the highest regard- it is a Holy union.
If you got too much expectations then marriage is not the best thing for you. It’s all give and take. Most of the times it’ll be giving. That’s life.
i am supposed to get married next month, and my fiance and i were both change our mind that were going to extend the time, even we have a baby right now, and now that i read this article seems it’s not easy to get in, in a marriage life…. need to think and discover all the things behind my fiance or shall we say both of us… i love this site you know..keep up the good work..lovingyou.
I find this article to be extremely repulsive. I understand that tolerance and acceptance are main keys in a relationship, but this article makes it seem as though the guy is always at fault. It implies that the husband is the only one in the relationship that will have shortcomings and the woman should just look the other way. It has nothing to do with the sex of the partner, it has to do with the personality of each individual. There are extremely romantic men out there, and there are women that want nothing to do with anything romantic. A fulfilling marriage will not be achieved by placing blame on one party, and giving the other party an air of arrogance by insisting on perfection and the fact that they give more. I don’t believe that one can honestly learn anything about a fulfilling relationship from an article that automatically groups individuals according to gender and preconceived notions of how each will act.
Its true…keep it up!!!
i’ll try my best 2 b his wife..
I wish I would have had somthing like this before I got married, I love my husband very much, but we keep having the same issues over and over, we have been together for years, he says I have no respect for him, I guess in some areas he is right, but not in all, but then again I don’t think he respects me ethier and that is a big part of marriage.
That’s true. I have my ups and downs but a relationship is not perfect. Ima keep going with my marriage.
Excellent article! So true! I’m divorced and the 7 things are right on… it’s nice to think you’ll have “fire” for the rest of your lives, but the reality is, we all change, and we’re all human. And regardless… we need to love our mate unconditionally.
great article! marriage is an institution where no one graduate. both the wife and husband keep learning day in day out about each other. strong commitment from both parties is a recepi for a successfull marriage.
i am getting married soon and this has opened my eyes to a lot of positive things.keep up the good work
this is a good recipe for a marriage
i liked reading this info it was very much pointed to thr female sex, is no one willing to tell guys what to do? im a 17 yeah old male who wants to one day marrie the love of my life, she completes me, she know what im thinking she knows when im happy or sad and i know the same for her. i want to have kids with her but i dislike the idea of “setteling down”. ill be reading this info to my girlfriend later becase it interests me.thank you for this information, it helped me think about our relationship. i still want to marrie her (even more then b4 i seen this). if any one has ANYTHING to say to me i can be reached at shadoe.lake@yahoo.com
Really felt happy when I read this. These things are really true and since i will soon be getting married, I will use these tips in order to enjoy the most of my marraige. Thanks for this message.
it is right
i hav been married for over a year n feel every word written in the article is so true
I was married for 22 years, got divorced and am engaged to be married again. I wish I had read this article waaaayyy back then. But cie la vie (such is life.) I am now older and wiser and am going into my next marriage with my eyes open and my heart ready to commit to this man forever. It takes 2 to make or break a marriage. We are both commited to making it last!!!
I think just about everyone who IS married or has been married would have to agree and probably laugh along with this article. We just celebrated 7 years together. I was only 21 when we got married and did NOT get the concept of marriage vs. dating and how different the two are. I was MISERABLE for the first two years and each year after that got better. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been now, but it’s been a LONG process and I know it’s going to require LOTS more work.
I M NOT MARRIED YET BUT GOING THROUGH YOUR WRITE-UP WILL SURELLY MAKE MY MARRIAGE A SUCCESS.
STEVEN IHENANACHOR
Отличная идея, но надо бы подумать о рекламе на сайте. По-моему ее слишком много
Хотя, конечно - это не мое дело 
this is reality,i like the 50/50 part,marriage is abt becoming one.been patient selfless,nderstanding and hardworking,it’s no child’s play
IAM HAPPY TO SAY I’M HAPPILY MARRIED FOR LAST 10 YEARS , OFCOURSE WITH UPS & DOWNS .
Rocker says,
ive had numerous fiancees and almost wifeys,
and i can tell ya, its true, u cannot
think relationships are sugarcoated fake.
They will be them, u will be u,
accept each other as u are—imperfect.
NOT argue over everything
pick your battles carefully.
BE EXTREMELY CAREFUL with the money.
Dont let her go crazy with power
over your money. ALWAYS KEEP SEPERATE
ACCOUNTS OF MONEY. Of course BOTH
of u will need a job to pay the bills
/unless one of u is a billionaire./
TALKING is critical to working out
SOME problems, YET Actions speak louder
than words, so dont forget to
have sex often whether u are or not
in the mood, jus let it happen
and use condoms if u dont want
pregnancy/making kids.
YOU would be surprised how much
can be resolved with some
sexual healing.
sometimes u jus need each other.
Other times u jus need to spend
time being romantic close hanging together.
jus rememeber that not always will they be happy, and U WILL NEED TO HANDLE DAMAGE CONTROL SITUATIONS, be careful and prepared
to handle that. Remember if terrible mistakes happen too often, thats not a coincidence,
its a BAD HABIT. So if they cheat on u more than once, its not a coincidence, ITS A BAD HABIT AND NEED TO BE HANDLED IMMEDIATELY.
IF U DONT STOP THEIR BAD HABITS IT CAN SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL AND THEY WILL DUMP U.
STOP THEIR BAD HABITS BEFORE IT GETS WORSE.
ANY BAD BEHAVIOURS N ATTITUDE PROBLEMS NEED
TO BE STOPPED BEFORE ITS TOO LATE.
Always know where u stand in a relationship
on solid foundation relationship or brittle dust. if they arent serious about longterm commitment, u shouldnt be either and breakup with them quickly. FIND SOMEONE WORTH YOUR TIME WHOM WILL VALUE YOU. Dont waste time on someone whom will jus use u for fun.
and remember try to notice if BOTH of u are on the same page of longterm commitment, and
dont tolerate compulsive liars nor cheaters
in a serious relationship.
wow… and I used to take the romance issue so personally. Guess I should lighten up on that! Thanks!
This was great! I am about to get married and this really opened up my mind to see who he truly is.
wow!! i’ve been dreaming about marriage since i met my boyfriend and although he doesn’t want to tie the knot soon, i really want to. after reading this its making me wonder. i dont know what to even think. i wanna do things right and celebrate our lives together by getting married. but my boyfriend is worried about our financial situation. i know it is a concern, but not a grave one. a few weeks back i gave him the cold shoulder and hardly spoke to him. i cried everyday. i couldn’t even speak to him heart to heart. i felt like if he is not ready for marriage then it’s probably already over between us. we ok now, but it still is in the back of my mind. i havent spoken to him though, we’ve been so busy working. help please… i wanna save this 2 and a half year relationship.
Marriage is hard work-yes. But sometimes I feel that as singles thats all we ever hear. We never hear about what a wonderful blessing it is, and how great it is to finally find someone to share our lives with. I’ve never read a list called “Top Ten Reasons why we love being married”, its always “Top Ten Reasons why being single is better than being married.” I believe marriage (like food and water) is a neccesity in life. We don’t tell people who lack food and water “You have the gift of hunger” or “You have the gift of thirst” or “food sucks, it makes you get fat and pulls you away from God, be happy without it!”. So why do we tell people who are buring in lust that they have the “gift of singlehood”? I am content in my singlehood not because I feel that I have been given “a gift” but because the bible says to be content in ALL circumstances good and bad.